Take your mark. Go! I gracefully dove from the blocks, into the water and started sprinting to the other end with perfect form.

Ha. In reality: I flopped into the water, my goggles rushed up to my forehead, I attempted to swim with forward movement, ran into the lane line, and then continued with occasional views without goggles until I reached the line I was told to swim to.

To make matters worse, I had to get out of the water at the deep end. My movements there resembled a beached whale. Or maybe an elephant seal that is paralyzed on one side of its body.

It was with this experience on my mind that I read this article about why the author quit Master’s swimming in his triathlon training. It is hilarious regardless of your views on Masters, but will be of particular enjoyment to anyone who has both done Masters workouts and trained for triathlons.

I am not down on Masters. Indeed, I’ve enjoyed it more recently than ever. But, the next time we finish a workout diving off the blocks, I may quietly slip over to a different lane.