Our mind has an amazing ability to dwell on something and blow it out of proportion.
I was recently talking to someone about the supervisors that I have had and I recalled a story from 15 years ago. The boss at my first real, full time, adult job forgot to tell me about a staff meeting. I forget whether I missed it and found out afterwards or if someone came to find me and question why I wasn’t where I was supposed to be. But I do not forget the shame I felt for not being where I was supposed to be so early in that job. I felt horrible for missing it, also either mad, or hurt, or a mixture of both at my new boss for not telling me.
I have been holding on to this overblown sense of shame for 15 freaking years!! Only now, as I re told the story, did it occur to me how incredibly minor it was, both on my part and my supervisor’s.
We do not always have the right perspective in the moment, but it may help to go back to our past to rewrite some of that original pain that we hold onto.