I heard a good reminder recently as many of us will be spending time with family over the holidays: remember that your time is precious, it is a gift, and set appropriate boundaries around your time even with those you love.

The thing is, what are the right boundaries for you? It is different for each of us, they change over time, and it’s not necessarily something you can simply ask yourself and come up with a clear answer.

No, boundaries are messy. We might battle with ourselves over what is appropriate for ourselves. We almost certainly will battle over what we ‘should’ want vs what we really truly need. And we may struggle with a desire to simply give without protecting self.

If you will be in a situation that you think you are going to want to set some clear boundaries, you can imagine the situation before it happens. Feel into your true self – what is the appropriate boundary for you? Then vision yourself acting the way you want.

Remember self-compassion throughout. Sometimes we have to do something, realize that didn’t feel right, and change our action (setting a boundary or a different set of boundaries) the next time.